FRED ALLEN
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
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1 comments:
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FRED ALLEN
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
An actor's popularity is fleeting. His success has the life expectancy of a small boy who is about to look into a gas tank with a lighted match.
An advertising agency is 85 percent confusion and 15 percent commission.
An associate producer is the only guy in Hollywood who will associate with a producer.
California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.
Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.
Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.
I always have trouble remembering three things: faces, names, and - I can't remember what the third thing is.
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal labotomy.
Imitation is the sincerest form of television.
It is probably not love that makes the world go around, but rather those mutually supportive alliances through which partners recognize their dependence on each other for the achievement of shared and private goals.
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
Television is a device that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Television is the triumph of machine over people.
The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.
The last time I saw him he was walking down lover's lane holding his own hand.
The vice-president of an advertising agency is a bit of executive fungus that forms on a desk that has been exposed to conference.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
Washington is no place for a good actor. The competition from bad actors is too great.
We are living in the machine age. For the first time in history the comedian has been compelled to supply himself with jokes and comedy material to compete with the machine. Whether he knows it or not, the comedian is on a treadmill to oblivion.
What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
Fred Allen
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