Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful woman - and you can keep the golf clubs and fresh air.

I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.

I don't want to tell you how much insurance I carry with the Prudential, but all I can say is: when I go, they go too.

I went to a meeting for premature ejactulators. I left early.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

It's not so much knowing when to speak, but when to pause.

Modesty is my best quality.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

When another comedian has a lousy show, I'm the first one to admit it.

A Cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Jack Benny



We have been friends because we are not in competition. I do the kind of show he could never do - a giveaway.

~ Art Linkletter

Jack's a great musician, and I'm a great actor. It takes a great actor to say Jack Benny is a great musician.

Bob Hope

When Moshe Dayan heard him play (the violin), he took the patch off his eye and put it over his ear.

Dean Martin

One night I was walking in my sleep and Mr. Benny put a vacuum cleaner in my hand.

Eddie Anderson (Rochestor)

He is so anemic that if he stays out at night, he has to get a transfusion so his eyes will be bloodshot in the morning.

Fred Allen

When Jack Benny has a party, you not only bring your own scotch, you bring your own rocks.

George Burns

I liked Benny right away, he had something I enjoyed very much - a worse singing voice than mine.

George Burns

When Jack Benny walks out in tails in front of ninety great musicians, he looks like the world's greatest violinist. It's a shame he has to play.

Isaac Stern

Last night, Jack Benny played Mendelssohn. Mendelssohn lost.

New York Post Critic

Throughout Jack's violin solo at the Hollywood Bowl, the audience was glued to their seats. That was the only way he could get them to sit down.

Zubin Mehta

There was one especially memorable moment . . . when Jack began a very difficult passage from Mendelssohn's Concerto, everyone in the orchestra turned and looked at Jack in wonder and amazement . . . they were playing Beethoven's Fifth at the time!

Zubin Mehta

There's one particular moment during that concert that I shall recall as long as I live. Its when the entire audience jumped to its feet and shouted, 'More! More!' it was right after Jack had announced there would be a five-minute intermission!

Zubin Mehta

Benny has done more than raise millions of dollars to erase operating deficits of major orchestras. He has brought multitudes of people who would not otherwise be there into the concert halls to prove that music can be entertaining and rewarding.

Leonard Bernstein

Jack Benny had style from the beginning. He stood straight and walked kind of sideways as if he were being gently shoved by a touch of genius.

William Saroyan