I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.
I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
W. C. Fields
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.
"In the year 2000, in the era of hooking up, "first base" meant deep kissing ("tonsil hockey"), groping, and fondling; "second base" meant oral sex; "third base" meant going all the way; and "home plate" meant learning each other's names."
There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
There is something about a poet which leads us to believe that he died, in many cases, as long as 20 years before his birth.
Now ladies don't be mad at me, I'm only callin' ya bitches cause I don't know your names individually.
Women need to stop blaming all your problems on us. Stop tellin' a person,"You messed up my self-esteem". Bitch it's called SELF-ESTEEM! It's esteem of your self. How am I gonna mess up how you feel about yourself?
I got shit in my house to make bitches feel comfortable. I got 2 pillows with silk covers on 'em so if a bitch come over she don't gotta mess up her hair. I got wine at my house. I don't drink wine but women do. Now what would Michael need to make lil boys feel comfortable... an amusement park?
What the hell is Limewire? Is that one of those crazy new Mountain Dew flavors?
“Whole world is _uckin’ crazy, you don’t know what to trust. You can stay away from drugdealers and gangbangers all your life and still get killed by a squirrel.”
"About Obama I'll say this white people. If there EVER was a black man that you were going to vote for, THIS is the one to vote for....vote for this guy cuz this is black lite..."